Thursday, March 29, 2012


sometimes flies out the window when it comes to adoption. You tell your friends and relatives of your plans, and someone will immediately start listing all of the reasons why it's a bad idea. Your support system can crumble under you, and it is heartbreaking. Thankfully I only have one person that has done this to me. I have a family member who is adamantly opposed to our pending adoption. Her words: "I know you think you're doing a good thing, but you're in for so much trouble. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into". This from someone who has been there for me all of my life, and normally is my biggest cheerleader. She usually thinks I can do no wrong (HA!), but I knew what her reaction would be, even before I mentioned it to her. I know she will love the boys when she meets them, and she will be as good as gold to them. And I have it easy. Other families are struggling for emotional support because everyone around them tries to discourage them from adopting. Have you done this to anyone? If so, shame on you! They need you. Be their friend, be their family, BE THERE for them! 

You learn very quickly when you start this process that you have to develop a tough skin. You'll get rude comments from every side, indifference instead of encouragement, and it can really get you down. When people announce they are pregnant, they get congratulations. When is the baby due, what will you name it, etc. When you announce you are adopting, you get comments such as "Why not adopt a kid from this country? How much does it cost? Why adopt at all when you already have kids? What's wrong with them?" And the list goes on and on. Ok, so some answers. 1. Because kids in this country don't starve to death in an orphanage, kids in this country don't lie naked in a puddle of their own urine in a crib that's too small for them because their caretakers don't care. Kids in this country don't get sent to mental institutions just because they can't walk, or because they have an extra chromosome. And how much does it cost? They are children, not tv sets. How much did YOUR pregnancy and childbirth cost? How much money have you paid out since your child was born? Too personal questions? Yeah, exactly. It is expensive, and we do try to raise money. It's natural to be curious, but the way it's worded makes all the difference in the world. If you know me personally, you know I am the most un-PC person in the world. But I try not to be rude. I keep questioning a lot of the words and phrases I use on there, just because I'm used to being blunt. I don't want to offend anyone unintentionally. (Intentionally, that's a different story!) 

Anyway, off that soap box for the moment. My point is, your friend, your relative, whoever it is that you know who is adopting, they need your support. You may not agree 100%, but if you're their friend, you will help them anyway. Do you really want them knowing that strangers are being kinder and more supportive than you? The support that adoptive parents get from strangers is amazing! I know I've said it before, but I will keep saying it. The support we have gotten from around the world is unbelievable! I get emails from across the country, offers of donations for our giveaways, letting me know they are praying for us and the boys. People do still care in this country. Our area of the state is one of the most hardest hit economically, and our county has the highest unemployment rate in the state of VA. But there are three families here that are in the process of adopting, and the money being raised is phenomenal! People give money, they take time to sell their own possessions to be able to donate. Is that not what being a Christian is all about? We take care of each other around here. I am so blessed to have the circle of friends that I do. I know my friends support me (even if they think I'm crazy!), and I know they will do all they can to help make this happen. They share my blog with others, they help get the word out about fundraisers. I have one friend, Ethel, who even though she is about 17 months pregnant with her 52nd kid, has offered to take over my role in our GS troop and the planning of our upcoming community festival, so I can concentrate on the adoption. She saw a need, saw a way to help, and didn't wait for me to ask. My bestest friend, K, has been amazingly supportive, even though by all rights, she should have been the one to be adopting right now. 

So please, be a friend, be the family, be the support that they need, if you know someone who is adopting. Even if you are praying for them every day (which is the most important thing you can do), they don't know that if you don't tell them. Not to brag, but to let them know you are behind them. They need it. We all do.


  1. Hmm, I thought Ethel was about 19 months gone now. On our to do list: find a seamstress to make that woman a shiny red cape.

    And, once again, you've made me cry. I don't LIKE waiting, but mine CAN wait - yours couldn't, and I'm so thankful that you found them just in time. When my turn rolls around, I'm just stealing the first couple of paragraphs here and emailing it out to friends and family before we even make an announcement. ;)

  2. That would be an excellent idea! Ehh, both of your suggestions, I mean!! I don't know that I could be doing this if it weren't for you and the rest of Team Sam! (And Team Duncan!!)

  3. Ethel definitely needs a shiny red cape! And I am continually amazed at the generosity of others, both in this area and far away! And Kristin, your time IS coming. And I can't wait to see it unfold and be able to support you as much as you have supported Traci and me. Love you both!

    Well said, Traci!

  4. I love it. I have heard so much, "why not adopt domestically?" lately. I'm not even in the process but I have friends who are. People just lack filters these days and I hope it starts to spread far and wide that adopting is wonderful and NEEDED.

  5. Aww.. Traci, Kristin, and Chandres!!! You guys are truely are a GREAT group of friends, that I have become to consider my family. I love each and everyone of you and am thankful that you have come into mine and Maddie's life. TRUE friends are few and far between and Traci, please know that although I can't donate monetarily, I DO support you (and K & C) 110% and will do whatever I can do help make things easier on you guys.. I mean really.. obviously I am a PRO baby-maker and "I GOT THIS"... Love you!!


    "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice." Proverbs 31:8,9

  6. erg! You go girl! Why do people gotta be so negative!? Especially, the why not adopt domestically blah blah blah. There's so many kids here blah blah blah Oh yeah where exactly are all these poor helpless children who are available domestically? I feel you! Our adoption is on hold d/t laws out of our control, but people still very free to voice their "concerns." Since when is it ok to be down right rude? I believe in free speech, but have some class.