You learn very quickly when you start this process that you have to develop a tough skin. You'll get rude comments from every side, indifference instead of encouragement, and it can really get you down. When people announce they are pregnant, they get congratulations. When is the baby due, what will you name it, etc. When you announce you are adopting, you get comments such as "Why not adopt a kid from this country? How much does it cost? Why adopt at all when you already have kids? What's wrong with them?" And the list goes on and on. Ok, so some answers. 1. Because kids in this country don't starve to death in an orphanage, kids in this country don't lie naked in a puddle of their own urine in a crib that's too small for them because their caretakers don't care. Kids in this country don't get sent to mental institutions just because they can't walk, or because they have an extra chromosome. And how much does it cost? They are children, not tv sets. How much did YOUR pregnancy and childbirth cost? How much money have you paid out since your child was born? Too personal questions? Yeah, exactly. It is expensive, and we do try to raise money. It's natural to be curious, but the way it's worded makes all the difference in the world. If you know me personally, you know I am the most un-PC person in the world. But I try not to be rude. I keep questioning a lot of the words and phrases I use on there, just because I'm used to being blunt. I don't want to offend anyone unintentionally. (Intentionally, that's a different story!)
Anyway, off that soap box for the moment. My point is, your friend, your relative, whoever it is that you know who is adopting, they need your support. You may not agree 100%, but if you're their friend, you will help them anyway. Do you really want them knowing that strangers are being kinder and more supportive than you? The support that adoptive parents get from strangers is amazing! I know I've said it before, but I will keep saying it. The support we have gotten from around the world is unbelievable! I get emails from across the country, offers of donations for our giveaways, letting me know they are praying for us and the boys. People do still care in this country. Our area of the state is one of the most hardest hit economically, and our county has the highest unemployment rate in the state of VA. But there are three families here that are in the process of adopting, and the money being raised is phenomenal! People give money, they take time to sell their own possessions to be able to donate. Is that not what being a Christian is all about? We take care of each other around here. I am so blessed to have the circle of friends that I do. I know my friends support me (even if they think I'm crazy!), and I know they will do all they can to help make this happen. They share my blog with others, they help get the word out about fundraisers. I have one friend, Ethel, who even though she is about 17 months pregnant with her 52nd kid, has offered to take over my role in our GS troop and the planning of our upcoming community festival, so I can concentrate on the adoption. She saw a need, saw a way to help, and didn't wait for me to ask. My bestest friend, K, has been amazingly supportive, even though by all rights, she should have been the one to be adopting right now.
So please, be a friend, be the family, be the support that they need, if you know someone who is adopting. Even if you are praying for them every day (which is the most important thing you can do), they don't know that if you don't tell them. Not to brag, but to let them know you are behind them. They need it. We all do.