I try to be a good friend. I know I fail a lot, and don't devote enough time to my friends. I'm not one for long chatty phone calls, especially not since email and texting were invented! The older I get, the more I enjoy the solitude that comes from being alone and quiet. I get distracted in conversation, even when I'm the one talking. One of my best friends, P, had to deal with this irritation daily at work for 6 years, and she's a saint for not murdering me in my chair. (I think the loss of company benefits was probably more of a deterrent than the thought of prison!) And this was BEFORE we started Sam's adoption. Can you imagine how I am now?
I try really hard to wait on God and be patient. Psalms 37 and the last few verses of Matt chapter 6 are how I TRY to live, but I fail. I worry and stress and cry. The other day one of my oldest friends needed my advice and help with a family situation. I was on my way to help, got there and couldnt go in. I wound up sitting in the bank parking lot across the road crying my eyes out. I didn't go help. She needed me, and I let her down. What kind of friend is that? And yes, part of me says I wouldn't have done any good by going in, I really had no idea how to help, ddn't know what I was doing, but she needed my support and friendship just as much as any actual knowledge I could have provided. So, I apologize. I'm not even listing her initial, out of respect for her privacy. She knows who she is, one of my oldest (but younger) friends. I hope she can forgive me for not being the friend that she has always been to me.