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Monday, April 9, 2012

Tears and prayers

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. So, like a bandaid, I need to make it quick and get it over with. We have to drop out of the adoption process for the boys. We hit a snag with the homestudy, a document hasn't come back that we need, and with the deadline as close as it is for Sam, we can't risk waiting. It breaks our hearts so bad to do this, but it's the only right thing we can do for the boys. We're not playing around with their futures by waiting to see and hoping things get done in time. There are other families that can step in and file immediately for them, so Sam and Duncan will soon be here with families, where they belong. Loving them like we do, and we truly feel they are sons of our hearts, means doing what is best for them, even if that isn't what is happy for us. All of the monies paid out to RR, our fees and all the money from the FSP, will still go to the boys. As far as our chip in, we have had donations of approximately $1100, and our expenses to date have been roughly $5000. I wish I could send back every donation that has been made to our chip in. I will be sending everything I can to RR for their grants, so please know that if you donated to our chip in, we are doing everything we can to make sure that money still goes to help the boys.

Please keep our families in your prayers as we grieve over this loss, because that is truly what it is to us. We had two more sons, and now they are lost to us. We are just so grateful that the boys still have a chance, because we couldn't live with ourselves otherwise.

15 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry Traci. Prayers and hugs for your family as you walk through this. Also for Sam and Duncaan that someone will step forward quickly for them.

    He is still good and we wait to see His glory shown.

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  2. I'm so sorry!

    I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. Some people might not understand, but, I know how this loss feels.

    Does Reece's Rainbow have a family ready to step in for the adoption or are they still looking? If not, I'll be praying for someone to step up (and quickly!) too.

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  3. Oh Traci... I'll be praying hard, hard, hard for you today, I'm so sorry

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  4. I am so very, very sorry, and will keep your family and of course the boys in my prayers. I so wish this hadn't happened...

    Susan in Ky
    Cousin to 2 teens from EE

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  5. Oh no :( I am in tears. I'm so sorry.

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  6. Our hearts break with yours but we will say to you that it cannot be that you did not save both their futures by even entering the process and pulling so much attention to them. I don't understand what is happening here(very sad) but I do know already that your family made the very difference between them having lives and not. Praise the Lord for your obedience to sign up and Praise the Lord for your obedience going forward. We will be praying for you and hope we can do something to ease your pain.

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  7. Traci, I have so enjoyed getting to know you as we journey together. You have an amazing heart and your love for Sam and Duncan is beautiful. I grieve with you for not being able to be the family it seemed God was knitting together. I do know that you have played a special role in the lives of these boys. The grief is real, in your heart they were your sons. I will pray for your family and the boys. Love Stacy

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  8. Traci, it has been such a blessing to get to know you through this journey. Your love for Sam and Duncan is so beautiful. I know God has used you to play a special part in their lives. The grief is real, in your hearts they were your sons. I will be praying for you and your family and friends. We will also pray for Sam and Duncan and pray for God's will in their lives. Love Stacy

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  9. I am so sorry for your loss! May God bless you for your loving hearts in surrendering them so that another family will be able to get to them in time, but how hard it must be. I will be praying for your family.
    Allison

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  10. This is truly heartbreaking! I can only imagine the feelings you are going through right now. Remember God is in control & has reason for everything! He doesn't make mistakes, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt when He takes us down a different path then we wanted/planned. I'm keeping you all in prayer, as well as the two young men. I still hope to meet up with you one day! You are incredible!

    Blessings,
    Kaitlyn

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  11. praying for peace and comfort for your family God knows what was in your heart and how hard you tried...you will be blessed

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  12. I am truly sorry. Grieving with you. Praying that God grants you wisdom as you go from here. Please keep blogging. Please know that you have a community behind you who are praying for you and caring for you!

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  13. I am so sorry; your family has been in our prayers, and we'll continue to lift you up through this difficult time.

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  14. oh my word. I'm so shocked and saddened to hear this. but so admiring of your love for these boys shown in your willingness to let go and suffer loss if it means helping them more. so, so sorry for you and your family.

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  15. i'm so sorry. we've been without internet for a few days. and i just saw a link on fb about sam's new family. when i saw the new commitments page i was so confused and came to check your blog. I can't imagine how you guys must feel right now. Such grief at "losing" two sons. What you have done though is so selfless, and amazing in helping them still find families, even if it oculdnt be you. God bless you and give you peace. Praying for your family

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