Now that I've had a little time to get over the initial shock and heartbreak, I wanted to say a little more. First, I want to clear up a few questions. Not sure if it was a legitimate question misunderstanding what I had posted, or it was an ignorant troll twisting what I wrote, just trying to make me feel worse, but I want to address it anyway. 1. We never would have backed off if there was NOT another family waiting for both of the boys. I have talked extensively with Andrea at Reece's Rainbow, and from day one she had a back up plan in place, just because time has been so short with this. She knows what she is doing, and as do all of the RR families, I have complete faith in their process. 2. The document that caused the snag is not one that we have ANY control over. It comes, or rather, has NOT come back yet, from a government agency. Yay for government beauracracy screwing things up. 3. Finances - Our expenses so far have been around $5200. We have donations of around $1100 from supporters, and $1000 from a personal friend. This means over $3000 has come out of our pocket. I ONLY bring this up so everyone will understand that we are not trying to keep any money for ourselves. That would be unthinkable. I have already sent back through paypal various donations we had received, and the $1000 or so left in our adoption account will be sent to Reece's Rainbow to be split between the boys. The $2000 for the promise trust fund will be moved to the boys' personal grants, along with all the money sent to the FSP account at RR. This means that approximately $2400 will go into each of the boys's accounts. I hope Reece's Rainbow, and the new families, do not mind me spelling out finances, but I want everyone to fully understand where their donations have gone. If anyone has any questions, I would be happy to answer them. Not from anonymous trolls, but real people. (And I don't mind at all anyone posting anonymously, but if you make an accusation, give me a way to respond please.)
I have been fortunate in that we have had very few trolls commenting on our blog, I guess I put them to sleep too. lol. The ones we have had have tried to leave inaccurate, false accusations, that clearly show they have no idea what they are talking about. If you're gonna be a troll and want to hurt someone, get your facts straight first. Adds a lot more credibility to you. Geez, giving advice to trolls, what am I doing?
So, where do we go from here? I'm honestly not sure, to tell the truth. Right now we are hurting too much to immediately think about it again. I know there are lots of other ways to help, whether it's through mission trips, hosting orphans in the summer, advocating and fundraising for other families, there are tons of ways we can still help. There are easy ways that EVERYONE can help, even if you don't feel led to actually adopt. God commands us to help orphans, James 1:27. I think as Americans, we have gotten complacent in this with the transition to foster care in the U.S. Foster care is great, and I think it's much better than the orphanage system. But, it doesn't put orphans in the public eye to highlight the need. Orphans in the U.S, for the most part, can be a part of a family while they wait on their forever family. This is wonderful. Other countries, though, do not use the foster system as much as we do. Children lay in cribs in orphanages, without a lot of contact with anyone, just due to the fact there aren't enough caretakers to help each one. Older children, with special needs, get transferred to mental institutions. They don't have nice group homes like we do, so that young adults can feel independent while still getting the supervision they require. We NEED to help these orphans. In whatever capacity we can. And we can ALL do something.
I would love to go to Eastern Europe, to the country that Sam and Duncan are from, and be a part of some of the wonderful groups making a difference. I've been doing a lot of research on the country, trying to learn the language, and would love to put this to good use. I will still be very strongly advocating for RR, and all the orphans that need families. I will continue to do research on how I can best serve. I do wonder why we were led this far, only to have been stopped. But I don't regret it for a second. As K, my oldest daughter put it "maybe God used us to help melt the mountains for Sam and Duncan. Even though we thought He was melting the mountain for us, maybe we were the fire he used to melt the mountain for someone else". She's a smart woman! All of us have seen God in action, to the point sometimes it was downright scary, and I think it's built our faith even more. It's worth every bit of heartache if it brings us closer to God.
I feel very blessed to have been some part of the boys' journey. I'm sure their new families will be blessed with overwhelming support, just as we have. Maybe we can still meet the boys one day, tell them how much they are loved by the Mortons, and by so many people all over the world.
I just want to say that you guys remain in my thoughts and prayers. I was really new to RR when I came across the story of Samuel. I was literally in tears. I turned to my hubby and said "please?" through my tears. He looked at me as if I had 3 heads. We have a 2 year old. I would have NO idea how to handle a teenager but he was just too sweet for words and his future was tearing me apart. YOU stepping forward turned my tears into hope. I started getting more involved in advocating and getting the word out. YOU have made a HUGE difference to both of those boys and to many "bystanders" such as myself. I hope that you are receiving as much love and support now as you did when you first stepped forward out onto that limb. I know your heart is breaking, but I hope that there is a salve in knowing that you have already had such a positive impact. I am still praying and I do know how AWFUL it is for an adoption to stall for whatever reason. I spent 7 years trying to adopt a child from Kenya. Luckily he is in a WONDERFUL place with loads of opportunity so I must just trust God's will.
ReplyDeletePlease take care of yourself!
I'm so sorry for your loss - and it definitely is a loss. I'm also sorry that you got hit with an internet troll. That's not fun under the best of circumstances, but, it's horrible when you're grieving.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if/when you plan to host, but, there is a set of two boys from Duncan & Sam's country that are looking for a host family. It is the older brother's last chance to find a family before he ages out in December.
http://hershonsforever.blogspot.com/2012/03/last-chance.html
They've already extended the end date for finding a host by 1 month and have raised $4000 to help with hosting fees.
The boys have been staying at an orphanage run by Christian missionaries and have specifically requested a Christian family.
Please don't think that I'm trying to replace the boys you lost in any way. I know from experience that it's not possible. I just felt prompted to mention the 'last chance' boys and I've learned that it's better to follow my promptings than to regret not taking action at a later date.
Traci, you did move mountains! You gave your heart and soul to getting these boys home, whether your home or another good home, but the important part is that they will have families. Your energy and enthusiasm is catching, so you don't know how many fires you may have kindled for the cause of orphans everywhere. I pray if you venture down this road again, you are successful, because the boy or girl that receives you for a mother will be very lucky.
ReplyDeleteKaren
Oh Traci, I am praying for comfort, peace, and wisdom for your family. We trust God that His perfect will for Sam and Duncan is being done, but also His perfect will for your family is being done- even when we don't understand.
ReplyDeleteWe committed to a child from RR last year and he was soon after adopted by another family. We were devastated, but now I can see the bigger picture. God has led us from the place of disappointment and sadness to a journey full of faith and adventure. He has used this to awaken dreams we thought were never going to be fulfilled.
He sees, He knows, and He has a plan. I will pray and pray. You don't know me, but you have my full support in prayer.
Thank you all so much for the prayers and encouragement. I hope we have helped to open the eyes of many to what these kids face, and will continue to try to do the same.
ReplyDeleteLots of hugs and prayers Traci. Don't let the trolls get you down. They are just miserable people bent on spreading evil. I'm so sorry you're hurting.
ReplyDeleteI hope you won't see this as a "troll" comment, but RR is an organization that our family has considered supporting - but this story really upsets me. When I read your post about what happened, it seemed like there was a "just in case" plan. When I read the other family's blog, it didn't seem like the other family considered themselves that at all. They seemed just as certain that Sam was coming home to them as you guys were. Was RR clear to both of you that there was essentially a "race?" What if you HAD gotten the document? I'm just heartbroken for you - heartbroken. And before our family supports another RR family, we need to know if RR was 100% clear with BOTH families from DAY ONE that only one family would "win."
ReplyDeleteI don't feel at all that they misled anyone. The new family were preparing just in case, and I am very grateful they were. With time so short, it was the best thing to do. And that is a legitimate question, and I'm very happy to answer. :) RR has the best interests of the kids at heart, and I'm sure this is standard procedure in a case like this.
ReplyDeleteOh, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. My heart hurts for you all, please know you always have my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your daughter- that was what I thought, too. Duncan and Sam would not be where they are without y'all! You brought so much attention to them, and raised so much money, making it possible for them to get home. God placed them in your life for a reason.
Thank you for loving them so dearly.
Traci, I just want to say again how thankful I am that you advocated and believed in the worth of Sam and Duncan. You amazed me from the very beginning, seeking ways to maybe help host/sponsor the boys for student visas- anything you could do to help. I am forever grateful- your strong response was a bit part of why I had courage to go back to the orphanage, to Sam, and to say, Yes I'll take your picture again, and Yes, I'll fight to find you a family. You, and several others, and ya'll's immediate belief that he was adoptable, opened my eyes and made me fight for him, and for that I will eternally be grateful. Had I not had such a strong response about Sam, I would have never had a chance to meet Duncan. Because of you, both boys will be coming here, for families forever. God has, and will continue to use you. I confess, I was hoping you'd keep moving forward with adopting. I look at some of the other kids there and think "yeah, I could totally see Traci's family with them"- there are so many waiting kids, and so few families who are willing to scoot over at the table and make some room for another soul, that I will be praying God gives you direction, and secretly, I'll hope that it's to adopt ;)
ReplyDeleteAs for the backup family, let me address that for Anonymous, since I was involved as well. Dear Anonymous, you don't know me. I blog at But By Grace. I'm a social worker, a foster parent, an adoptive parent and a foster sibling and an adoptive cousin and yeah, just me. I love the Lord, and since an early age, I've been called to work with kids in crisis, in advocacy, therapy, and every way God leads. I'm the one that met Sam and Duncan, saw their tears, saw their hope, felt their arms around my neck hugging me just for taking the time to take their picture to see if any of my friends might have room in their families for them.
I'm the one that went home and bawled, not sure if RR would even allow me to list these boys who begged for a family. I met with the Director, shaking in my boots, to ask if I could please have permission to tell my friends about them, in the hopes of sparing them transfer to a mental institution at 16 or expulsion into the streets as a homeless "adult" at 16. I'm the one that begged God to intervene and to make the path clear so we'd know what to do.
We were bombarded with folks who wanted to help the boys- but few families that were able or ready to move to adopt them. When Traci committed, she was the primary family, but, we did prepare a backup plan. There had to be. This isn't the case for any other RR children that I'm aware of- not a single one except Sam and Duncan. But it was necessary, and I think this situation explains why.
I've been through an adoption to EE. Anything can happen, at any moment, with the USA. Immigration can slow down paperwork, documents (like marriage certificates, background checks, birth certificates, passports, home ownership paperwork) ordered from your home state and other states can move soooooooooo verrrrrryyyyy slooooowwwwww. Some people adopt and it moves very quickly- all their documents come together quickly. Others, it takes forever, not through any part of their own doing, but just gov't red tape at its finest.
(more in second comment :) sorry I'm wordy!)
We'll see where we need to go from here. I know if I looked at any child right now, my only thought would be "but that's not Sam. Or Duncan". And that's not fair to anyone. I will definitely be doing a lot of praying and just waiting to see where God wants us to go. And thank you for clarifying the situation. I know this was a very unusual circumstance, unlike most. Oh, and I'm still waiting on 2nd part of comment!! Lol
ReplyDeleteTraci,
ReplyDeleteThank you for being so strong. I know that you may not feel strong right now but I admire your families decision to let the boys go. I know that it could not have been an easy choice to make and I am sure that you did not make it in haste. You are an amazing woman with a heart of gold. I have no doubt that God will use you in miraculous ways for orphans. I pray for peace in your heart, for healing and for understanding of the situation. I also pray that God will give you a clear path to follow. My husband and I are adopting a little girl from Latin America and I do not know what we would do if something fell through. Thank you for being an inspiration and for having the faith that God knows what is best for these boys.
*Angie
Very well written. There is no doubt in my mind you have a greater role yet in helping the lives of orphans! HUGS!
ReplyDeleteTraci: Thanks for all the kind words of encouragement to us as we seek to complete Sam's adoption. It's kind-of hard to answer questions from people you don't know, but to respond to the other person's (one of the persons named "anonymous" above) inquiry about being the back-up family, I can tell you from the get-go that we knew we were the back-up plan. The other person's statement of "it didn't sound like the other family thought they were back up" or something like that could certainly be true, but I would ask that person, "How would you prepare for or write about something that God had called you to do, even if it was as a back-up?" Would you say, "God has called us to to be a back-up family to adopt a 15 year-old boy who may also be adopted by another family, or we might not adopt him at all if our plan falls through?" Had we not decided to pursue the adoption wholeheartedly as if it were going to happen, there would have been lots of times that we could/would have said, "well, this might not happen, anyway, so I just won't make those phone calls or try and get those documents expedited" or "I could call that lady who has the adoption agency here and see if she can prepare a Home Study for that certain country, but I think I'll wait until next week to do that because we're only the back-up plan." Having 2 months to start and complete an international adoption is quite a task, and as Kim said in her blog, "the only race was against Sam's clock." Like you, we would NOT have been able to handle knowing that we could have done something and didn't. Once we found out that another family was going forward, we were disappointed, but ready to accept that as God's plan. But when the people at RR talked about putting a back-up plan in place because of the extremely short timeline, we prayed about it and decided to move forward in our minds as though we were the first plan, knowing that anything can happen. Initially, the thought of there being two families was a bit unpalatable, but when we thought about the possibility that something could happen for yours to fall through, we could not think of Sam being on the streets without a chance at another family. A child aging out of the orphanage system is quite different than one who is 2 or 3 who may have other chances to be adopted. That is where the BIG difference comes in. We were fully prepared to have to say someday, "Our adoption fell through" if it didn't work out. We are STILL prepared to say that if things don't work out.
ReplyDeleteYou and your family and friends have been so gracious in your response to what has happened in your situation falling through and ours happening so miraculously, and I truly believe that all of this is in answer to the prayers we've all been praying for this whole situation. Everyone has Sam's and Duncan's best interests in the forefront of our hearts and minds. They have pieces of all of our hearts, and they always will. I see God working together an amazing network of people who care about all kinds of orphans. God works everything together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. Blessings to you and your sweet family.
Traci, I just wanted to say, I'm praying God's blessings and peace for all of you. I am sure that stepping back was hard. May God enfold you in His wings always.
ReplyDeleteOh my dear... i'm just catching up on my blog readings after the Easter hols... so very very sorry to hear about this... hugz... i agree with your daughter... you were the fire God used to melt the mountains for the boys... because of you & what you have done, the families adopting them have a head start... thank you for being obedient & loving the boys so very much that you let them go... i pray that God show you at some point in time the purpose of all this & in the meantime, i pray He heals your heart & help you & your family to continue to love... you know, your example may be exactly what someone else needed to take that step to obey & adopt... nothing is ever wasted in God's Hand... Blessings for you and your family...
ReplyDeleteoh my dear... i'm so sorry to hear about this... i know how much you love the boys & how much you and your family still do... i agree with your daughter, you were the fire God used to melt the mountains for the boys. Because of what you have done, the families adopting the boys have a headstart. Because of your obedience, you have been an example, & may have been just what someone else needed to be encouraged to take their own step towards adoption... i pray that some day God will show you the purpose of all this, in the meantime i pray that He will heal your hearts & help you to love again & even more so... blessings for you & your family...
ReplyDeleteoops- it appears the 2nd part of the comment didn't post lol- I'm about a week late, but here you go:
ReplyDeleteI assure you, the other families knew that Traci was the official committed RR family. But they also had peace that they were supposed to move forward in completing their paperwork in an efficient manner. Clearly, as demonstrated, God had a plan that the rest of us didn't know, and I am thankful for the backup families just like I am thankful for Traci. Each one was used to help these kids- Traci's blog and outreach alone brought in more families, that committed to other kids. God used her- and that is amazing to me. She fundraised a good amount of money in a short time- which will help Sam and Duncan make it home. I'm grieving for Traci, because I know how much she truly wanted them, but God shuts doors sometimes, for His greater purpose.
Duncan's family told me specifically, that one way or another, they were going to adopt. If not Duncan, then someone else. They had that peace. But it is only natural for families to be drawn to a child and to want to be that child's family. That's part of this process. But I spoke to both families in the process- they definitely both knew they were the "official backup plan" :) If Traci's paperwork had made it to submission in time, then the backup families would not have been needed.
This is the first time that RR has done "backup plans" that I'm aware of and it was purely because of the situation: 2 boys, less than 4 months to get the full dossier done and completed (unheard of) and financially ready. Domestically, when adoptions are planned from foster care, there is always a "first pick family" and then a list of others in case that falls through. It's standard best practices to insure the child doesn't wait longer than necessary.
I felt very passionately about seeing Sam and Duncan getting adopted- and still do. God chooses the families, God opens doors and shuts doors for His own reasons, and I'm just praising God that the boys will have homes.
The "race" here was a race against time- the deadline of getting submitted and done before the boys aged out.
I hope this helps clarify things. If not, please feel free to email me, headedto19@gmail.com This was an unusual case, and honestly, it was all about doing what was best for the boys. I've had several friends in process hit paperwork snags- so we knew it was a real risk. It just made good common sense and fit with best practices in older child adoption placement to have other families prepared to step in if something happened. For younger kids, it isn't so much of a factor. They might be stuck in an institution longer, but at least they would be safe and still adoptable. That was not the case for Sam or Duncan. If, at 16, we hadn't had a family filing for them, their journey would have ended. Transfer or dismissal from the orphanage, all chance at a family lost forever.
And Traci, I love you. I know you're hurting, but God will heal your heart. We've lost foster/adopt placements, and an int'l child we committed to was adopted in country before we were able to claim her. It hurts like a kick to the stomach, knocking the wind out of you. But God heals. I'm here if you need anything. You are an amazing person and have done a huge amount of advocacy and I hope you continue it- you truly have the charisma to connect with folks and get the word out there about the waiting kids. You are a blessing to RR and to Sam and Duncan!
oops, it appears the second half of my post never loaded, sorry this is about a week late lol:
ReplyDelete(continued from above!)
I assure you, the other families knew that Traci was the official committed RR family. But they also had peace that they were supposed to move forward in completing their paperwork in an efficient manner. Clearly, as demonstrated, God had a plan that the rest of us didn't know, and I am thankful for the backup families just like I am thankful for Traci. Each one was used to help these kids- Traci's blog and outreach alone brought in more families, that committed to other kids. God used her- and that is amazing to me. She fundraised a good amount of money in a short time- which will help Sam and Duncan make it home. I'm grieving for Traci, because I know how much she truly wanted them, but God shuts doors sometimes, for His greater purpose.
Duncan's family told me specifically, that one way or another, they were going to adopt. If not Duncan, then someone else. They had that peace. But it is only natural for families to be drawn to a child and to want to be that child's family. That's part of this process. But I spoke to both families in the process- they definitely both knew they were the "official backup plan" :) If Traci's paperwork had made it to submission in time, then the backup families would not have been needed.
This is the first time that RR has done "backup plans" that I'm aware of and it was purely because of the situation: 2 boys, less than 4 months to get the full dossier done and completed (unheard of) and financially ready. Domestically, when adoptions are planned from foster care, there is always a "first pick family" and then a list of others in case that falls through. It's standard best practices to insure the child doesn't wait longer than necessary.
I felt very passionately about seeing Sam and Duncan getting adopted- and still do. God chooses the families, God opens doors and shuts doors for His own reasons, and I'm just praising God that the boys will have homes.
The "race" here was a race against time- the deadline of getting submitted and done before the boys aged out.
I hope this helps clarify things. If not, please feel free to email me, headedto19@gmail.com This was an unusual case, and honestly, it was all about doing what was best for the boys. I've had several friends in process hit paperwork snags- so we knew it was a real risk. It just made good common sense and fit with best practices in older child adoption placement to have other families prepared to step in if something happened. For younger kids, it isn't so much of a factor. They might be stuck in an institution longer, but at least they would be safe and still adoptable. That was not the case for Sam or Duncan. If, at 16, we hadn't had a family filing for them, their journey would have ended. Transfer or dismissal from the orphanage, all chance at a family lost forever.
And Traci, I love you. I know you're hurting, but God will heal your heart. We've lost foster/adopt placements, and an int'l child we committed to was adopted in country before we were able to claim her. It hurts like a kick to the stomach, knocking the wind out of you. But God heals. I'm here if you need anything. You are an amazing person and have done a huge amount of advocacy and I hope you continue it- you truly have the charisma to connect with folks and get the word out there about the waiting kids. You are a blessing to RR and to Sam and Duncan!